Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry about my life...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
