I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
