I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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