Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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