so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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