I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
