OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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