you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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