FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mom said you looked used
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
