Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(386): View more from Florida

That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.

(954): View more from Florida

Apparently hers is a theme park.

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(710): View more from

So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )

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(303): View more from Colorado

woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?

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(765): View more from Indiana

Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?

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(863): View more from Florida

I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila

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(609): View more from New Jersey

It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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(916): View more from California

Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.

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(614): View more from Ohio

It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me

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(732): View more from New Jersey

we should paint friendship bongs

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