I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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