So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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