My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
