everyone is single if you try hard enough
high people should be assigned attendants
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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