its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
