Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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