I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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