i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
