imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
