your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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