he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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