youre lurking in front of me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
