And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
