You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize