There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
