i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
