I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
