if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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