Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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