Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
