I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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