Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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