he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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