Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
