Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
