and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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