This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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