Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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