I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD