Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

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  (504): i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out http://tfl.nu/wsgl
  Replies (65) Good night (1699) Bad night (4628)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.

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  (402): When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/jbik
  Replies (9) Good night (4956) Bad night (1446)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas

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  (401): Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas http://tfl.nu/kaq5
  Replies (1) Good night (1738) Bad night (1069)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1518) Bad night (620)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's not technology. Doesn't count.

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  (702): The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves (806): That's not technology. Doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/x0wz
  Replies (3) Good night (1763) Bad night (847)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab

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  (505): I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab http://tfl.nu/ok4v
  Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (675)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.

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  (+44): Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower. http://tfl.nu/m2lh
  Replies (6) Good night (2001) Bad night (556)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.

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  (407): You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window. http://tfl.nu/325b
  Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (497)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.

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  (727): She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit. http://tfl.nu/846j
  Replies (9) Good night (358) Bad night (1083)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.

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  (256): Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants. http://tfl.nu/myfs
  Replies (2) Good night (895) Bad night (593)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.

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  (306): cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life. http://tfl.nu/be5i
  Replies (2) Good night (609) Bad night (423)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.

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  (870): I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong. http://tfl.nu/b6l6
  Replies (3) Good night (608) Bad night (338)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.

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  (978): The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin. http://tfl.nu/o32d
  Replies (6) Good night (530) Bad night (377)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.

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  (425): Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/wxzf
  Replies (1) Good night (475) Bad night (261)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night

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  (618): I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night http://tfl.nu/cx13
  Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (199)

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