I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.