I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet