Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
