Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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