Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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