as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
