We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize