I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
In America we eat man semen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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