what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
