Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Will you blow on my dice?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
