i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
