We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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