This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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