he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
