I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
