Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
