I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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