I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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