I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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