He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
nutella sex= disaster
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
