Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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