its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize