the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i drank out of a bidet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
