Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
