he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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