So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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