I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
