you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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