i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she smelled like a LAN party
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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