i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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