so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All the doctor said was why
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
