Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
