saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
