wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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