The maid of honor just puked.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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