I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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