I wannas sexs uuuuu
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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