Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
