There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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