I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
