I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize